What's a vegan to do?

I feel slightly devious, but what's a vegan to do?

I am visiting my sister and her family in Southern California. My sister and brother-in-law were to be at a party tonight, but because he is not feeling well, he stayed at home with me, my nephew, and one of my nieces while my sister headed to the party with the youngest of the three.

She fixed dinner before heading out - a pasta casserole with sausage topped with cheese, bread sticks, and an assortment of raw veggies. While the kids and their dad ate what mom prepared, I enjoyed leftover Indian saag tofu (a vegan version of my favorite Indian dish, saag paneer which I made earlier this week).

While my 7 year-old nephew began his meal devouring the fresh cut yellow bell peppers, my 5 year-old niece enjoyed her bread stick before tackling her raw carrots. When it came time to eat the casserole, both picked at it.

My brother-in-law made it very clear that he wanted both of his children to eat everything that was on their plate. My nephew wanting to get back to his legos finished the casserole, and ended his meal with the bread stick. My niece however continued to pick at the only thing left on her plate, the casserole. And as she picked, she picked out the sausage, much to the chagrin of her father.
- "Dear, I want you to eat everything, including your meat."
- "Daddy, I don't like the meat," she replied.
- "I want you to eat your meat."

As he walked back into the kitchen, that was that. As we cleaned around her, my niece continued to pick and sit there, and eventually she was alone.

My brother-in-law received a call from a friend who needed some medicine for their sick infant. Though he wasn't feeling well, he said he would drop it off. His last request before heading out the door = "I want you to finish everything on your plate. I want you to eat your meat."

An hour after dinner started, my niece was still at the table picking the meat out of her casserole. In between my lego creating with my nephew, I checked on her, and saw her neat little pile of meat grow. What to do?
- If I feed her (which I have done since she was a baby), she would eat everything, including the meat she did not want. Vegan-me would not feel comfortable doing that.
- If I let it slide and dismiss her from the table, I would undermine my brother-in-law's parental role and his desire for his daughter (who has never liked meat) to eat meat.

Though I love and respect my brother-in-law, I decided to intervene before he returned, and let my niece finish up the vegetarian meal she created by picking out the meat. I pushed aside all the rest of the meat, and separated out the noodles and sauce. "You don't have to eat the meat," I told her. "Just eat the noodles and you'll be done." And in a minute, she was ready to play.

During her 5 years of life, my niece has never liked eating meat, and she is not alone. ABC news reported this summer that an increasing number of young people are choosing a vegetarian diet, and research is showing that it is a healthy diet for growing kids.

Dr. Amy Joy Lanou in the Houston Chronicle (June 25, 2007) writes

According to the American Dietetics Association, there is no need to introduce any meats, eggs or dairy products into an infant, toddler or child's diet. Well-planned vegan and vegetarian diets not only provide all the nutrients necessary to support growth, they also promote good health in childhood and start disease prevention early.
Just think about the advantages of raising a child on a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, grains & legumes. Limiting or avoiding consumption of fish sticks & tuna sandwiches reduces mercury consumption and the resulting risk of cognitive and behavioral problems. Choosing nondairy milks such as rice, soy or oat milk significantly lowers consumption of saturated fat and growth hormones given to cows to increase milk production. Substituting vegan sausage for bacon or pork sausage increases healthy fiber & sidesteps fattening & artery-clogging animal fats.
That all sounds pretty darn responsible to me.

Sounds pretty responsible to me, too. So, I undermined my brother-in-law tonight. But when my niece doesn't want to eat the dead animal flesh on her plate, it's the only responsible thing a vegan can really do.
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Dining decisions

Before choosing a vegetarian diet (let alone a vegan lifestyle), I never enjoyed eating out with the "high maintenance" foodie, the picky person, who won't eat this, or isn't in the mood for that, for whatever reason. Typically, the "high maintenance one" becomes the default, determining factor of where a group will eat as all attention is consumed by his or her dietary needs or concerns.

Personally, I never liked being the center of that much attention, especially when it comes to food, and for that reason I spent half a year as a "closet vegetarian". I would eat as a vegetarian on my own and would only cook veg meals, but when out with friends, whether in a home or at a restaurant, I would eat as a carnivore, if needed.

Though that is no longer the case since I "came out" of the vegetarian closet, I still do not like being the "high maintenance one" and the center of a group's restaurant decision. With the holidays upon us, friends wanting to eat out, and folks trying to understand vegan-me, more and more I am getting pigeon holed as the "high maintenance one" and I don't like it.

With my diet the center of the decision, I now hear deliberations like:
- "Wait, we can't go there. There may be no vegetarian options."
- "If we can go here, there may be nothing for you to eat."
- "Are you be OK with (fill in the blank)? We don't want you to starve."

My "broken record" response: "Don't worry about me. I can always find something to eat."

And thus far, that has been my reality. As a vegan or a vegetarian when dining out, I've learned that a combination of appetizers does make a very good meal, most anywhere you may go.

This week, for example, Japanese was the plan, as the conclusion of my friends was: "You should be able to find a vegetarian entrée there." The sad reality: No. Other than vegetable tempura (which is too fried for my healthy taste buds), there were no other vegetarian entrees. But appetizers do make a good meal, as I enjoyed Oshitashi (cold Japanese spinach salad), edamame, and a garden sushi roll with mango, avocado, radish. Pretty yummy, especially with my "heavy on the wasabe, light on the soy sauce" mixture.

When creating a meal out of appetizers, knowing what your body needs for a healthy diet is the simple key. For me, it is typically a ring of 3: a vegetable, a carb, and a protein. And at most restaurants, I can usually find appetizers that have what I need to make a meal, even at a Texas Barbecue!

To celebrate my dad's birthday, my family wanted to celebrate his 70th at a restaurant we knew he would enjoy. My mom's recommendation and thus our choice: the newly remodeled Back Forty Texas BBQ restaurant in Pleasant Hill.

I checked out the on-line menu and knew what I would order even before we arrived at the restaurant and were seated in our own little private room for this special occasion. My family was happy as they enjoyed an assortment of barbecued dead animal flesh, and I was happy with my appetizer meal of vegetable soup, BBQ beans, and sweet potato fries.

I am learning that appetizers can and do make a yummy meal when eating out with non-vegetarian friends at MOST restaurants. But sometimes, when the crowd is craving L & L Hawaiian Barbecue (like my friends were on Thursday), thank God that there was a Chipotle and a vegetarian burrito next door!

Vegan: It's what's for dinner

Since becoming a vegan, eating over at friends' homes has been a learning process, both for the host and for me. Before my "conversion", the family cook would prepare some kind of meat, and that's what would be for dinner, for everyone at the table. Now, the process includes, "So, what do you eat these days?"

Typically, the meals served consist of "add-ons" for me -- vegan side dishes to complement what everyone else is eating. And typically, the reason for the "add-on" to the centerpiece meat dish is "the kids". For example, early last week, fettuccini with marinara was the "add-on" to go with the cheese ravioli, chicken cacciatore, and baked fish. And on Friday at a friend's birthday dinner, there was a well-stocked salad, but edamame was the "add-on" for me, as a substitute for the baked chicken.

Eating in the homes of friends, I've learned to not ask questions. I let the cook cook, and then eat whatever is served with no questions or complaints. We may talk about the butter, milk or eggs they added to the dish afterwards, but trying to educate a carnivore on a vegan diet while they're rushing around the kitchen is not the best way to maintain a friendship. I've grown accustomed to looking for "my dish", and appreciating my friends' "add-on" attempts to accommodate my dietary choice.

Thus, I was surprised last week when I had dinner with friends whom I've not seen for a while. They purchased a new home and invited me for dinner. The last time we shared a meal I was a carnivore and they were married with one child. Two more children and vegan-me later, she wanted to cook. Through email, she tried to wrap her mind around what I now eat.
- "Can I bring something?" I asked.
- "Sure, bring dessert, something simple like fruit or jello."
I referred her to my jello blog. What would I be eating for dinner?

When I arrived, she was busy in the kitchen chopping and mashing. Dad gave me the tour. While he took the youngest one (19 months) for a walk to get her to nap, I played with the two boys (ages 7 & 3). When dad returned, he asked the question I had been waiting for.
- "What's for dinner?"
- "Vegan shepherd pie" came the kitchen response.
I was waiting for the other dishes that would go with this vegan "add-on", but to my surprise, there weren't any. Vegan shepherd pie would be "what's for dinner"... for everyone.

And it was a dinner that was enjoyed by everyone. It was excellent! The oldest polished off his plate and scooped up seconds, while the youngest one managed to get more in her mouth than on her face. Dad, who didn't care for the texture of the topping, did like the vegetable-bean filling, and scooped under the cauliflower-millet mixture to get his seconds, and his thirds.
- "This is definitely going into the dinner rotation," mom announced.
- "With no topping on part of it, please" came dad's rebuttal.

It was only the 3 year old who wasn't in the mood to eat his dinner. My friends have raised their kids to eat what is served them. "They have a choice," my friend says. "They can choose to eat what mom has made or not, and if not, they can go to sleep hungry. It's their choice." And since the choice of "no dinner" is also a choice of "no dessert", the kids have learned to eat and enjoy what's on their plate.

Thus, with food still on his plate, and mom opening up for the other two kids the vegan chocolate chip cookies I brought, he finished what he needed to eat (with a little help from me, feeding him), and he enjoyed his cookie (and a second one, too!)

Since becoming a vegan, eating over at friends' homes has been a learning process. My hosts for dinner this past week learned that vegan meals are not only healthy, but yummy and easy to prepare. I learned that eating vegan doesn't need to be an "add-on" to a meal for carnivores. It can be the whole meal! Kids are not the only ones who eat what they have learned to eat.

MY VEGGIE TALE: Part 2 - a running story

(For Part 1 - a weight loss story - see October 21, 2007)

After losing 25 pounds in 6 months at the end of 2004, as an "overweight, unhealthy vegetarian" turned "balanced-diet, exercising carnivore", I was feeling good. I felt like I could do anything - well, almost anything.

I heard about the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team In Training, which is the world's largest endurance sports training program. In early 2005, I received informational material about TNT in the mail, and wondered if running a marathon was something I could do. I attended the meeting in January, and decided on a whim to do it -- to raise money for the organization, and to train with them to run a marathon, or to be more specific, a HALF-marathon. 13.1 miles seemed doable by May, but 26.2? I wasn't so sure.

When I first began "running", it was really more walking than running. I would run a block than walk a block (or 2). Little old Chinese ladies were passing me on my walk-run route along the Great Highway in San Francisco, but I was committed. Everyday before heading to work, I was out there. I was so excited the day I realized that I had run more of my 3 mile route, than I had walked! And when I finally ran my 3 miles without stopping (which includes a half-mile UP HILL), I ate chocolate cake and I didn't feel guilty!

There is, however, a big difference between my 3 miles and a half-marathon -- a 10.1 mile difference to be more exact. The enormity of my task slowly began to settle in the week before our first TNT training. Not wanting to putz out on our first run, I pushed myself a few days before our first Saturday training, and injured myself by straining (what I would find out later to be) my IT band. It was going to be a long spring.

Through the first weeks of training 3 days a week, I would heal, but then re-injure myself as I pushed myself harder than I should. I was getting anxious about being able to run the distance.

It reached a point where the coach said, "Stop it", and I took 2 weeks off to allow my IT to heal completely. The rest did it, and with the strengthening work I was doing with a foam core roller, there was still time for me to train smart and finish the race. And I did, on May 7, 2006 at the Ave of the Giants Half-Marathon in Humboldt County. It took me 2 hours, 13 minutes, and 43 seconds; I hurt my knee at mile 11 and ended up run-walking to the finish, but I did it!

And I was hooked. I got home, registered for the inaugural San Jose Rock-n-roll Half-Marathon in October, and after allowing my knee to heal, I kept at my running, using the training techniques my TNT coaches had taught me, and the principles for "injury-free running" which I was learning through chi-running. On October 8, 2006, I broke 2 hours, running the 13.1 miles in 1:57:42.

In between those 2 races, by my 41st birthday on June 26th, I had dropped another 15 pounds. It took an extra year, but I finally lost the 40 pounds I had wanted to lose by the time I turned 40. I felt like I could NOW do anything, and so I did it. The day after the San Jose Half-marathon, I signed up for my first marathon - the 2007 San Francisco marathon - the FULL marathon, 26.2 miles. Would I be able to do it? I had until July - 9 months - to find out.

Stay tuned for Part 3 of my Veggie-tale, and discover how the carnivore runner transforms into a vegan marathoner.

Poem: THERE IS MUCH TO LEARN

Today is the first Sunday in Advent, a season of preparation when Christ is born anew in our hearts, our homes, and our world at Christmas. Traditionally, candles representing hope, peace, love, and joy are lit the four Sundays before Christmas, when the Christ candle in the center of the Advent wreath is lit.

Through a devotion and a book I read this morning, I was inspired to write a poem. Trees like Advent candles have much to teach us about the spirit of Christ who is to be in the center of this season. The words came together on an early morning run, and while sitting by a small lake in the neighboring town of La Honda.

In the hustle and bustle of the holidays, may the Creator fill your heart with the spirit of Christ as you stop and take time to listen and learn from the trees this Christmas.

There is much to learn of HOPE

from trees whose roots wander deep
through crevices in the earth.

There is much to learn of FAITH
from trees whose age-old trunks unite
what is seen above with unseen things below.

There is much to learn of JOY
from trees whose branches reach out
to the heavens in praise.

There is much to learn of LOVE
from trees who lay their seeds down
as a blessing of new life.

There is much to learn of PEACE
from trees in the silent wisdom of the forest
and the beauty created within.

There is much to learn from trees.
When you stop and listen, they teach.

by Vegan Me (12/02/07)