Monday, October 29, 2007

When values collide

I am on an 8-day Franciscan Retreat at San Damiano in Danville, CA. We are studying Bonaventure's work, "The Journey of the Human Person into God". In preparation for this extended time away, I informed the coordinator of the retreat facility about my diet as a vegan. She was very understanding, and wanted to ensure that my physical needs were met while on this spiritual journey.

At our first meal, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the dining room had a table set aside with vegetarian/vegan items along with a tofu stir-fry as our entry. There has been peanut butter, whole wheat bread, fruit, and soy milk at every meal, oatmeal at breakfast, and for lunch one day, they even made homemade black bean burgers with fresh chili sauce. Yummy!

Meals were going very well during this retreat until dinner on day 4.

I was at the first table dismissed for dinner that evening. The veg option that night was a little slow coming out so I had to wait. After walking all afternoon I was hungry, so when the entry arrived (it looked like another tofu stir-fry), I scooped two large spoonfuls onto my plate without thinking or really looking. While in conversation with folks at the table, I took a bite and paused, then took a second bite and stopped, and thought, "Some thing does not taste right here." I looked carefully at what I had been eating and realized that my suspicions were correct.

What I thought were pieces of tofu were actually big chunks of fish!!

For the first 4 days of the retreat, we had been eating our meals in silence. This dinner on night 4 was a special celebration of our senses, and with the vow of silence lifted, everyone was talking and chatting, getting to know people, and enjoying the meal and special wines that were also served just for this occasion. Everyone was having a great time at that moment except me.

With the taste of fish in my mouth, a large serving covering nearly half my plate, and conversation swirling all around me, I found myself trying to quickly process an ethical quandary of what to do. (Drinking a glass of wine on an empty stomach also didn't help!)

I realized that for the first time, 2 important values were colliding in my life, and a decision of what to do needed to be made.
  • Do I not eat what was on my plate, and thus throw away the fish and honor my vegan commitment?
  • Or do I eat the fish on my plate, and thus honor my commitment to the environment and those who are hungry by not wasting food (aka not taking or using more than I need)?
"What to do? What to do?" I first acted on impulse, got up and asked the dining room staff if this was fish. They of course said, "Yes." I then asked if there were any other vegetarian or no meat options and they said, "No." This was the dinner entry they had.

"What to do? What to do?" I then went to Esther, our logistics person who works with the retreat center staff. As she was dismissing tables to the buffet line, I informed her that the vegetarian meal was fish and suggested that she let the other vegetarians know before others make the same mistake I did. She said she wasn't sure who the other veggies were, but she would keep it in mind. She said she would eventually talk to the kitchen staff about it.

"What to do? What to do?" What I wanted to do was eat. I was hungry. Thus, walking back to my seat, I decided since I was on retreat and out of my "normal routine", it would be best to "grin and bear it", and eat what was on my plate.

With each bite, however, I felt guilty and defeated. My vegan commitment was falling by the wayside at this meal. My hunger, my pride, my not wanting to appear wasteful, all the social pressure of the happy carnivores at the table enjoying their tri-tip -- it all contributed to my "falling off the wagon".

I felt like I had no choice, but in reality, I did. I could have made a peanut butter sandwich if I wanted something else to eat. Throwing all the fish away would have opened up a good conversation about the value of vegan/vegetarian diet. I could have asked the kitchen to provide something else for me to eat. I could have offered what I had not yet eaten to someone at the table. In retrospect, there were other choices, but I couldn't see them. (I blame that on the wine!)

Though I ate everything on my plate, I did not enjoy my meal which was to be a celebration of the sense of taste. As I put down my fork and breathed a sigh of relief that the ethical agony of eating this meal was over, I noticed that one of the kitchen staff came out with a plate and brought it to Esther. As a peso-vegetarian, she eats fish and was content with her veg option. She motioned to me as John walked my way with a huge plate of stir-fried veggies and tofu. Without even asking, he removed my empty plate, and said, "I hope this will be more to your liking."

With another full plate in front of me, I thus began my second dinner. Though I was initially hungry, I wasn't THAT hungry! Since plate one was eaten because of my desire not to waste food, I felt like plate two needed to be cleaned to honor that same conviction. I picked up the fork to eat again. I was very full by the time that second plate was empty, and like the first plate, I cleaned it but I didn't enjoy it. Something was bothering me.

The plate of fish was actually very tasty, but I could not savor it because I felt like I would be violating some great "vegan law" if I enjoyed eating the meat. The plate of stir-fry tofu was also very tasty, but I could not enjoy it because I was full, and felt like if I had controlled my hunger, not rushed to get to eating, and looked at what I was putting on my plate, I could have expressed my vegan needs to the kitchen, remained true to my vegan conviction, and would not have to overdose on a second plate of food.

We've been studying the writings of Bonaventure during this retreat. And for Bonaventure, everything comes in 3's. While I thought there were only 2 values colliding during the meal that evening, there really was a third.

The third value, which should really be my first value as I have been reminded of by Bonaventure and Francis of Assis during this retreat, is: God is our Summum Bonum (highest good). Or as we might say today: "God is good, all the time."

Bonaventure writes that when our "human desire is directed at nothing but the supreme Good, or that which leads to it or reflects that Good in a certain way, ... the power of choice leads to the highest Good (Summum Bonum)."
(The Journey of the Human Person Into God, chapter 3, paragraph 4).

Thus, even if I mistakenly eat meat and enjoy it, God is Summum Bonum. God will redeem what I have chosen, and make good that situation.
- Even if I waste a plate of food out of conviction, or even make a poor decision about what I put on my plate and in my mouth, God is still Summum Bonum.
- Even when values and convictions collide and I must make one choice of what to do, God is still Summum Bonum - whatever my decision.
- God is good all the time. And all the time God is good, and for that, I am thankful, for in all situations, I choose to give my Creator praise.
Even as a vegan, that is to be my first choice, my highest value.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

MY VEGGIE TALE: Part 1 - a weight loss story

My vegan life officially began in June 2007 on my 42nd birthday. While there is nothing magical about June 26th, my birthday does create a line, which I've used to mark significant life-changing decisions. A big one came on my birthday in 2004 as I turned 39 and gave up a vegetarian diet to become a meat-eater again.

Believe it or not, the first part of this veggie tale begins as a weight loss story as a carnivore!

In 2003, I was a partial vegetarian, limiting my meat consumption to one meal a day. I am not totally sure of the reason for the decision at that time, but the roots of my vegetarian convictions run deep (and I will eventually articulate them).

By the end of that year, I was down to about 1 meal with meat a week, however, my weight was up as my vegetarian diet consisted of lots of pasta and parmesan cheese. I was weighing in at 180-185, and on my 5'6" frame, I was looking rather round. I really didn't notice how much weight I had gained until I saw a picture I took with my godkids for Christmas. I looked big, but wrote it off to the angle of the camera.

I enjoy the outdoors and pride myself in being a backpacker. But in April 2004 on a hike for a friend's 40th birthday, something occurred which really got my attention. I hadn't been out hiking much that season. I knew I was out of shape, and had gained some weight, but I didn't think much about it. "I am a hiker," I said to myself. "I know how to do this stuff. I'll be OK."

Unfortunately, I was not OK. I was not doing well on the hike and didn't want to admit it. I blamed it on the warm weather, the steep inclines, the "getting over a cold", but I knew that wasn't the truth. I was in the rear huffing and puffing. I was out of shape, and all of a sudden, something clicked. If I want to keep hiking and backpacking, I knew I needed to do something to get into shape.

Thus, as I prepared to turn 39 in June 2004, I set as a goal to be "fit and 40" by my birthday in 2005. In a Men's Health magazine I picked up one day in a grocery store, I read about the Abs Diet. It intrigued me with the promise to "lose 10 pounds in 6 weeks." Could this diet really do that? I purchased the book by David Zinczenko, read it all in about a day, and decided to go for it.

Thus, as I turned 39 in June of 2004, I ceased my vegetarian diet which had caused the weight gain over the past few years. Would I be a sucker for empty promises? Only time would tell.

Though I had been a "partial vegetarian" before the Abs Diet, I was not eating a healthy diet. I was eating little to no protein, and lots of carbs. I liked desserts, and also enjoyed drinking Coke (and not the diet stuff). The Abs Diet began to teach me about nutrition.

The first thing I did was cut out soda, and I began to simplify my meals around the 12 power foods in the Abs Diet. I started an exercise plan beginning with weight training during the summer, and the initiation of running in September. It took me about 8 weeks to lose 10 pounds, but the diet started me on a journey of health and fitness, and as I continued to learn more about food and my body, by the end of that year I had dropped 25 pounds. I was feeling good.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Why I am a vegan

Intellectually a vegan lifestyle makes sense as I choose to live a life of integrity in light of all that I have come to believe regarding my place in the fullness of all of God's creation.

But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand. We are foreigners and strangers in your sight, as were all our ancestors. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope. LORD our God, all this abundance ... comes from your hand, and all of it belongs to you. I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. (1 Chronicles 29:14-17a TNIV)

I am vegan...
Spiritually to honor God by caring for God's creation as a responsible steward of the earth, her resources, and all of her inhabitants.

He has shown all you people what is good. And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8 TNIV)


Environmentally to reduce my carbon footprint as consumption of animal products is an inefficient use of water, land, and energy, and creates heavy pollution from livestock feces.

A single dairy cow produces about 120 pounds of wet manure per day, which is equivalent to the waste produced by 20–40 people. That means California’s 1.4 million dairy cows produce as much waste as 28–56 million people.
(U.S. EPA, "Notes from Underground," Fall 2001)


Practically to do something about world hunger as a plant-based diet can feed significantly more people than a meat-centered diet.
[T]hose who claim to care about the well-being of human beings and the preservation of our environment should become vegetarians for that reason alone. They would thereby increase the amount of grain available to feed people elsewhere, reduce pollution, save water and energy, and cease contributing to the clearing of forests.
(Peter Singer, Animal Liberation, 1990)


Physically to consume a healthier natural diet.

As much as possible, eat foods as they were created - before they are changed or converted into something humans think might be better. (Rex Russell, What the Bible Says About Healthy Living)


Politically to not support self-serving business practices of large conglomerations that care only about profit with no regard for the environment, their workers, or customers.

If we're eating meat, we are paying people to be cruel to animals. (Father John Dear)


Ethically to reduce the suffering of animals with whom I am connected as members of God's creation.

They (animals), too, are created by the same loving Hand of God which created us. It is our duty to protect them and to promote their well-being. (Mother Theresa)