Look into my "I's"

While I enjoyed writing the six-part Lenten series on vegan principles, I am glad it is over. Each entry required a lot of time, thought, and emotional energy as I paused to consider how I am living out each of the values of ahimsa. This reinforced but also challenged my convictions.

The week of "I is for INTEGRITY" was especially humbling as I found myself tripping over hypocrisy in my "non-vegan" life (way outside the realm of this blog). Caught in "the act", I was forced to face my blind spots and some inconsistencies in a few value-based choices. This revelation caused me to begin questioning the integrity in my "vegan life", especially the exceptions in my vegan diet. Do my "vegan exceptions" discredit my integrity and thus, mar my character? May be the time had come to eliminate all exceptions and fully live "animal free" in consistent integrity as a vegan. I needed to at least try.

As I have blogged, my exceptions are:
1. Dining out
2. Indian buffets
3. The "celebration dessert"
And of course... 4. Chocolate cake

During Lent, I dined out with my parent's for my mom's birthday. At the restaurant, I intentionally asked the wait staff to make my meal vegan. While Caesar salad was the standard for the restaurant, our server prepped a special salad for me with oil and vinegar. However, the "vegan pasta" I requested came with cheese sprinkled all over the top. I explained to her that "vegan" includes "no cheese", but rather than asking her to take it back, and thus wasting the food, I decided to keep it and tried to scrape off the melted cheese to no avail. I ended up eating the meal, but did not enjoy it as my intentional attempt to eat vegan while dining out failed.

Over Lent, I also went out with some friends, and each time, rather than dine at an Indian buffet, which typically serves North Indian cuisine, I intentionally requested we try South Indian cuisine, which tends to be vegan-friendly. I visited two different places: Annapoorna in San Mateo, and Dasaprakash in Santa Clara. In both instances, I specifically asked for vegan substitutions. Learning from the dining experience with my parents, and reading in a vegan resource about the need to be very specific, I explained to the wait staff what not to include in my thali. The server said he would switch out the curries, and in both restaurants, everything was delicious, though the food at Dasaprakash tended to feel "oiler". As I become more familiar with Southern Indian food, I hope to check these places out again and review them. Let me know if you'd like to check them out with me!

As a cake was cut at one celebration during Lent, I was asked point blank by the hostess, "You do eat this, don't you?" Not wanting to offend, I said, "Sure", and was handed a piece. As I headed to the kitchen to get soy milk to go with the basic white cake (which I really didn't want to eat), I soon discovered that other guests were choosing not to take a slice = "I'm too full." "I'm on a diet." I stood there with my cake thinking, "I'm on a diet too - a vegan diet. Why didn't I just say, 'No, but thank you'?"

During Lent, I also began playing around with my vegan chocolate cake recipe. I also began creating a few new recipes, which I will post in the coming weeks. I am discovering that I enjoy experimenting with vegan dishes, and learning about food. How to enhance chocolate flavors in vegan desserts is one current curiosity.

While I was able to uphold my vegan integrity in a few situations during Lent, I did "totally screw up", or at least, I felt like I had failed in others - all because of something I chose to eat! There were moments I felt really guilty, like I had been caught in some great trespass. I want to honor the Creator through my lifestyle, choices, and integrity, but there I am eating cake, which I didn't want, didn't need, but felt forced to take. Guilt.

In one of his sermons, 13th century Franciscan Anthony of Padua said,
"Do you want to carry God in your heart everyday? Look constantly at yourself. Where your eye is, there is your heart. Keep your eyes fixed constantly on yourself. I mention three items: your heart, your eye, yourself. God is in your heart, your heart is in your eye, your eye is in you. So, if you are looking at yourself, you are looking at God in you. Do you want to have God in your heart everyday? Then, be what God has created you to be. Do not look for another I in yourself. Do not try to be anything other than what God created you to be, and you will constantly have God in your heart." (emphasis added)

When guilt-ridden, I know that I am looking for the "other I in myself." The "other I" is "the perfect vegan", "the perfect Jesus follower", "the perfect student", "the perfect employee", "the perfect friend", "the perfect adult child of my parents". There is an ideal I have of myself, and when I do not live up to this ideal, I feel like a failure. My vegan "other I" wants me to feel bad about my blind spots, my exceptions, my lapses in judgment.

I might know of God's grace intellectually, but I'm stilling growing in my knowledge of God's grace experientially. The God I trust is the God of grace, the God who showed the full extent of divine love through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, which we remembered just last week during Easter. I trust that God looks at me with love and compassion, especially as I strive to make the best vegan choices I can as I choose to gaze upon all that God has made with the same love and compassion God has for me. I am learning to live each day in that love, in that grace.

Guilt, I believe, comes from judgment based upon the verdict of a final result. Grace, on the other hand, comes from the assurance that all of life is a process as we carry God in our heart each day. As Anthony of Padua affirms, if I continually look at myself, I am looking at God in my heart. God created me as I am and blessed me with the gift of each day. As I carefully consider the choices I make, I do not need to "feel guity" because I live in grace, God's grace, even with my blind spots, even with lapses of integrity, even with my vegan exceptions.

Being vegan: A is for...

Today is Easter, the day we celebrate the hope we have as God's people, because of the resurrection of Jesus who was crucified, but was raised to new life by the power of God. The "good news" of Christ (the gospel) is the promise of life beyond death for those who place their trust in the God who raised Jesus from the grave. That is the message of Easter - a message of hope and healing for all that suffer, struggle, and toil under despair and oppression. God has not forgotten those God created and loves.

This is good news! And good news needs to be shared, an imperative which is echoed in the final principle of veganism. For a vegan:
A is for ADVANCEMENT of understanding and truth
When the light bulb of new insight clicks on, excitement overflows as we naturally share our discovery with others and advance the message of what we've come to believe.

The basic message of Christianity is that new life is possible for those who believe in the transforming power of God. To understand and to live the truth of this message, one must turn from the "old self" to the "new self", a lifestyle which follows after Jesus and nurtures a daily dependence on the love of God.

The basic message of veganism is that all life is precious. To understand and to live the truth of this message, one must consciously choose to live each day with conscience and conviction in compassion for all of creation.

As one's perspective of truth deepens, and as transformation occurs, opportunities open for new convictions to be shared. My decision to become a vegan, for example, grew out of my faith as a Christian, who desires to honor God by caring for all that God has made. The link I made between Christianity and veganism is a truth I now believe, which shapes how I live out my faith. To anyone who asks and is willing to listen, I share what I have learned.

My "vegan conversion" came in a fashion similar to my "Christian conversion". I made a decision for Christ on a bunk at summer camp in the summer of 1977. Lying in bed, I realized that God loved me, that I loved God, and that I was already trusting Christ. There was no reason not to make a commitment to follow him. Camp was simply the moment I decided that I would not turn back. Last summer as I was reading about the values of being a vegan, I literally woke up one day and realized that I was already choosing compassion in my diet and my purchases. I simply drew a line in the sand on my birthday to mark the moment when I decided that I would not go back.

Joanne Stepaniak in Being Vegan underscores my experience when she writes, "Most people who come to veganism feel jolted awake, as though they had been asleep at the wheel and are only now becoming conscious of the truth that has always surrounded them" (p. 66). As outlined in my first vegan-me blog, intellectually, spiritually, environmentally, practically, physically, politically, and ethically, I realized that a vegan lifestyle fits who I am, who I believe God is calling me to become.

With more people discovering that someone like me is now a vegan (someone who once loved sashimi, parmesan cheese, and prime rib cooked rare), the question comes up, "Why?" I am still learning how to respond in a way that reflects my understanding, my convictions, and the truths I have now come to believe, without being pushy or proud, or provoking guilt.

Stepaniak suggests a "brief and upbeat" answer, such as: "I believe in the value of all life and in not harming others. Since we can live healthfully and happily without eating of using animal products, there is no reason to do otherwise." (Being Vegan, p. 103)

The response I am beginning to give when asked, "Why vegan?":
"As a follower of Jesus, I believe I am called to care for creation and to be a good steward of the environment. Thus, I value all of life and desire to honor God by honoring all that God has made. Since I can live healthfully and happily without eating or using products that come from animals, there is no reason for me to do so."

Through this lenten series, I highlighted the 6 principles of a vegan life.
- A is for ABSTINENCE from animal products
- H is for HARMLESSNESS with reverence for life
- I is for INTEGRITY of thought, word, and deed
- M is for MASTERY over oneself
- S is for SERVICE to humanity, nature, and creation
- A is for ADVANCEMENT of understanding and truth

The 6 principles are an acronym spelling the Sanskrit word, "AHIMSA", which means "non-violence". As a rule of conduct that bars the killing or injuring of living beings, it is the guide for vegan living delineated by the American Vegan Society.

Though ahimsa is a philosophy common in eastern religions, I believe it reflects God's original intention in the Garden of Eden, and is prophesied as being restored in Isaiah 11:6-9 when the Christ comes. (Refer to H is for...) I have come to believe ahimsa is very much part of what it means to be "Christian" for it is rooted in love, God's love for all that God has made.

Referring to our communion with God, Henri Nouwen writes, "It's there that you receive the love which empowers you to take the way that Jesus has taken before you: a narrow way, a painful way, but the way that gives you true joy and peace and enables you to make the nonviolent love of God visible in this world." (Show Me the Way, p. 80. Emphasis added.)

The Easter message of Jesus is that beyond death, there is life for those who trust in the resurrection power of God. When I consider Jesus' suffering and death on the cross, I see the hope of ahimsa in the good news of Easter. Beyond death and violence, there is the promise of new life for those who would believe.

There is much violence in our world today, especially in the death of animals in the farm industry. While many vegans are animal activists, I am not, though the atrocities I read about in Fast Food Nation were pivotal in my vegan conversion. My hope is that through this blog and my sharing with others about the truth in veganism, the violent death of billions of God's creatures will not be in vain, but will be a wake up call, and give birth to a new vegan life in someone... may be someone like you!

This Easter, may the hope of new life overshadow the power of death, and be replaced with the compassionate love of non-violence for all the earth -- a truth found in ahimsa, veganism, as well as the gospel of Jesus the Christ. Amen.

Being vegan: S is for...

Today begins Holy Week - the final week of Jesus' earthly life, as we journey towards Easter in this season of Lent. One important event in Jesus' ministry, which is often overlooked in the remembrances of this week, is Maundy Thursday, when Jesus in the Upper Room washes the feet of his disciples.

In this simple act of service, Jesus shows his followers "the full extent of his love" (John 13:1), and then commissions them to follow his example and "do as I have done for you" (John 13:15). Serving others is the way we follow Jesus and show the full extent of our love for others. It is the core of Jesus' message and the reason we remember the gift of his life - his birth at Christmas, his death at the cross on Good Friday, and his resurrection and victory over death on Easter.

While giving our life in service of others is the call of the Christian life, veganism takes the understanding of service one step further in our next principle. For a vegan:
S is for SERVICE to humanity, nature, and creation

Vegans are committed to serving "others", but recognize that the "other" is not just a member of humanity, but includes every living creature on planet earth, our common home. Veganism embraces a reverence for all of life, and considers all life (not just the lives of "rational beings") as sacred and worthy of respect, love, service, and protection.

As a follower of Jesus, I have come to believe that this vegan principle is very much in line with the call of Christ. When Jesus taught his followers to pray "Our Father", he opened up a whole network of relationships, not just with humanity, but with all that has been created and finds its being in God.

In his 13th century Canticle of Creation, St. Francis of Assisi praises God with Brother Sun, Sister Moon, Brother Air, Sister Water, Brother Fire, and Sister Earth. While the heavens declare God's glory, humanity is simply one member of the creation choir called to praise the Creator.

Unfortunately, in our pride and desire for control, human society has lost sight of its rightful place in the natural world as "caretakers of the garden". Only when we recognize that we are finite creatures, with temporary residence on planet earth, will humility be birthed, and service in the name of Jesus can begin. We are members of a cosmic family, created by God the Father, united in love through the Spirit, and called by Jesus the Christ to love and to serve all that God has made, everything which reflects the glory and beauty of the One who is all and is in all.

"A bond exists between all things," says Luther Standing Bear, Lakota Chief of the Oglala, "because they all drink the same water and breathe the same air." Or as Henri Nouwen writes, "For him who has become close to God, all is one. Only God counts, and in God all people and all things are embraced with love." (Show Me the Way, p. 97)

For the followers of Jesus, the act of washing feet vividly portrays the essence of what it means to serve and to love. First, we lay aside our own needs. We then kneel in humility to tend to the needs of the other.

Because we must first abstain from our own wants (the first vegan principle) and master our own desires (the fourth), serving others is never easy. Yet in our humanity, it is easier for us to recognize the needs of our human brothers and sisters than the needs of our extended cosmic family. This is where servanthood often begins - washing feet, tending to basic human needs, like feeding the poor, providing clean water, caring for the sick, tutoring a child, freeing the enslaved, providing an encouraging word, making a charity donation, lending a hand, being a friend. We are familiar with such base needs because they are also our own.

In our service of nature and creation, however, we are not as aware of needs -- or at least, not yet. Once upon a time, humanity lived in harmony with nature, but unfortunately in this new millennium, our world bears the scars of imbalance because of the human drive for control, power, and domination. Global warming, climate change, acid rain, air pollution, water pollution, deforestation, endangered species, species extinction, animal exploitation -- all are common terms today, which were unheard of a generation ago.

It does not take a degree in biology (which I do not have) to recognize that something is terribly wrong in our world. Something needs to be done! To take action to preserve the environment is, I believe, how we serve.

We serve nature and creation when we
- replace incandescent light bulbs with fluorescent,
- walk and not drive,
- conserve heat and water,
- refuse, reuse, reduce, recycle,
- make a lifestyle change to lessen our carbon footprint,
- write a letter of environmental advocacy to an elected official,
- buy local and organic,
- read and raise aware of the global devastation of climate change,
- and of course, we serve God and honor the members of our animal family best when we choose a plant-based vegan diet!

My prayer is that we would each grow in our love of God, and grow in love for your neighbors by serving, not just humanity, but the "other neighbors" as well that live in the beauty of our communities, on this home we call planet earth.

"I do not think that the measure of a civilization is how tall its buildings of concrete are, but rather how well its people have learned to relate to their environment and fellow human being."
 (Sun Bear, Chippewa medicine man)

Here are some suggestions of what you can do to combat global warming...

Being vegan: M is for...

It is hard to believe, but nearly 4 years ago, I began my year-long decision to celebrate my 40th birthday "fit and 40". I accomplished that goal, and over the ensuing years, I now weigh in 50+ pounds lighter! I've kept the weight off, and have reached the "ideal runner's weight" for my height. I am continually improving as an athlete in distance running. I'm evolving as a vegan in my diet and lifestyle choices. I'm even enjoying my role as a resource and example of diet and exercise.

I am happier and healthier than I have ever been, and though it has required hard choices at times, the positive changes in my life have come because of discipline, self-control, and the fourth principle in veganism:
M is for MASTERY over oneself

Of God's many gifts to humanity, freewill is among the most precious -- a reflection of God's love, trust, and respect of us. Though a God-given blessing, freewill comes with responsibilities. Responsibilities come with choices, and choices come from our values. Values reflect that which is important to us, and are evidenced in our choices, how we live out our responsibilities and honor the God who loves and respected us enough in the beginning to have blessed us with the gift of freewill.

In the Garden of Eden, this gift was symbolized in the fruit on the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. The apostle Paul describes this gift as the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 2:22-23, which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Self-control is, I believe, the seed of freewill.

While we may be attracted to the exterior beauty of the fruit (love, joy, and peace), and while we can appreciate the taste of its inner essence (patience, kindness, and goodness), the core of the fruit (faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) can quite literally be a "hard seed to crack".

We want what we want, and we want it now. We don't like to wait. We don't like being told no. We are selfish; our desires war within us, with mass media declaring that human passions have won. The excesses of contemporary American culture reflect a lack of restraint, discipline, and self-control. Obesity and consumerism are two values that dominant our indulgent lifestyle, as the world spins out of control, away from Eden. While the natural resources of earth are being depleted, the rich are overfed, while two-thirds of the human population continues to die of starvation. Something is not right.

We may feel like we're "victims", but when we blame others and point to the "snakes" in our world which have deceived us, we have begun our fall out of Paradise, away from grace. Self-centered choices stop the flow of God's blessing as we allow our desires to control, rather than our values.

For vegans, compassion is the highest value. For followers of Jesus, the highest value is love -- love of God, love of others, love of all that God loves and made. Life is good when the gift of God's freewill is exercised with self-control, in balanced compassionate harmony, with love for all God's creation. Life becomes bad, and turns downright evil when we indulge in selfish whims and assert dominant control over the natural order.

Michael Cusato writes, "Every creature -- human or otherwise -- has a God-given right to be sustained at the table of creation. However, human beings, accustomed to enjoying the abundance of the earth, all too often twist the munificence of God into an illusion of self-sufficiency. Forgetful of God and of the fact that the earth is ultimately God's possession, they begin thinking of themselves as possessors, acting as if creation were their own private possession intended for their use alone. Assuming that others think and act as they do, out of fear and insecurity they develop a spirit of acquisitiveness, hoarding for themselves what might be desperately needed by others. Such attitudes and actions... are violations of the intent of creation." (Francis of Assisi: History, Hagiography and Hermeneutics, p. 197-198)

The US, like the UK, suffers from what is called the "Three Planet Lifestyle". If the entire planet were to live like us, it would take three planets worth of natural resources to support it. Globally, that is impossible, and ethically, that is unacceptable.

"We urgently have to face the fact," says Paul King of World Wildlife Fund, "that we are all running up a serious ecological debt and that we cannot continue to exhaust the Earth's natural reserves without putting something back. It is time to make some vital choices, to enable people to enjoy a one planet lifestyle."

The gift of freewill is reflected in the everyday choices we make in what we eat and wear, how we live and relate. "By their fruit you will know them," Jesus says in Matthew 7:16. By our choices, people know who we are. Mastery over-self means we choose our tree and the fruit our lives will bear.

What type of tree are you? Are you a tree of life, celebrating the beautiful harmony of creation as it was in the beginning? Or are you a tree of death, out of harmony with God' natural order as you pursue selfish wants to feed the desires of endless passions?

As I blogged a few weeks ago, "Veganism and a vegetarian diet celebrate life by refraining from practices that harm animals, and seeking to live in harmony with all living beings." This is one reason why I continue to choose self-control in my diet and mastery of my living decisions. It is no longer about weight loss. It is about living simply so that others may simply live.

Joanne Stepaniak in Being Vegan writes, " Our dietary choices have more to do with tradition, culture, economics, politics, and availability than with some predetermined fate. It is time for our species to behave responsibility and select those foods that best sustain the earth, the animals, and ourselves." (p. 24).

It is choice. The choice is yours. May you choose wisely this day and every day.

Being vegan: I is for...

An oxymoron is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms. It is a phrase that makes you go, "hmm" as you consider the meaning of each separate word. Some familiar oxymorons: "jumbo shrimp", "pretty ugly", "silent scream", and everyone's favorite, "Microsoft works".

Though technically not "oxymorons", Joanne Stepaniak considers a few paradoxes in her book, Being Vegan that cause you to pause and think:
- consumers who purchase dolphin-safe tuna (what about tuna safety?)
- a bird-watcher who eats poultry
- an antiabortionist who supports capital punishment
- an animal rights activist who wears leather shoes
There is a degree of irony, she suggests, when compassion is selectively applied.

"The vegan ethic," Stepaniak writes, "applies compassion indiscriminately. In theory, vegans are concerned about every group or individual who is exploited, human or nonhuman." (p. 52) The challenge is taking that theory, and applying it to one's daily decisions.

While everyone has blind spots, vegans strive to recognize their own, and then to do something about them, because the third core principle of veganism:
I is for INTEGRITY of thought, word, and deed

Integrity is about consistency -- consistency in what a person thinks, says, and does. Integrity calls us to watch for blind spots so that no one will go "Hmm" if they were to observe our lives. Integrity is rooted in one's character, and character is "who you are when no one (but God) is watching."

In his ministry, Jesus confronted the hypocrisy he witnessed in people, especially "religious-types", who articulated high moral values but failed to live them out. "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'," Jesus said in Matthew 5:37. Do what you say. Say what you do. Consistency in character is the call for one who claims to follow Christ.

It was a year ago that I made the transition in my diet from "occasional meat eater" to "vegetarian". As my convictions were forming about why a non-meat diet was healthful for me and helpful for the environment, I came to believe that if I were to continue eating meat, I would need (I journaled) "a rationale for why I may choose meat so it does not appear to simply be at random." Finding no good reason, I was soon selecting non-meat dishes every meal. As I continued to read and to research vegetarianism and veganism, the transition to an animal-free diet (no dairy, eggs, et al) and then to an animal-free lifestyle was a logical journey of personal integrity based in compassion.

Stepaniak writes, "Compassion, according to vegan principles, accords no hierarchy of lesser or greater value to any living being. To vegans, all life is equally precious." (p. 88) And as a follower of Jesus, that is foundational to my values, too.

Much of my vegan journey has been rooted in the question = WHY? Why do I need to eat this? Why do I need to purchase this? Why do I believe this? Why do I value that? If there is a more compassionate alternative which would extend care to creation, cut down my carbon footprint, love others, and honor God, then why would I NOT want to do that?

I still have my vegan blind spots, about which I have blogged. My dietary exceptions (including chocolate cake) are one area, but there are others. I wrestle with what those exceptions and blind spots suggest to others, and how they impact my integrity as a vegan. My journey continues.

I'm taking a course at the Franciscan School of Theology this semester. I'm prayerfully considering a full-time return to seminary. The more I learn about Saint Francis of Assisi, the more I am drawn to Franciscan creation theology and eco-spirituality. Because of his love for God the Creator, Francis lived in harmony with all creation and because of his love for Jesus the Christ, he lived in the fullness of the gospel, the poverty that is found in full dependence on God. The patron saint of animals and ecology was a man of deep integrity.


In The Life of Saint Francis, Julian of Speyer notes, "Since he traced all things back to their beginning, he called every creature 'brother,' and, in his own praises, continuously invited all creatures to praise their one common Creator." (p. 401) For Francis, the key to his integrity was living in God's original intention at creation, which I highlighted last week.

"As it was in the beginning is now and will be forever" is a common phrase in the praises attributed to St. Francis. As I strive to live as a vegan follower of Christ, I find this an inspiration for my integrity = To live each day in the Garden principle of "harmlessness", envisioned by the prophet Isaiah to be re-established with the return of the Christ. "As it was in the beginning is now and will be forever."

"There is an incredibly rewarding sense of peace and satisfaction in knowing that we are doing the best we can for those most in need," writes Stepaniak. "The outcome is irrelevant because, if we embody our ethics, the influence of our short presence on this earth will continue its effects long after we are gone." (p. 60)

As you journey with integrity this Lenten season, may you in the end be found faithful.